Do other people’s opinions really matter?

This question has come up every so often throughout my entire working life. At work, I’m a person who cares about what other people think. That quality has served me well in my career, but has also provided me with crippling stress and a need to analyze situations to death – just ask my husband. This dynamic is made especially complicated by working in environments where the opinions of managers, leadership, clients and peers impact your perceived value at a company, your career progression and your beloved year-end bonus.

When you work in a matrixed workplace with executive turnover and constant change, whose opinion matters anyhow? How do you decide whom to follow? If you follow feedback from your manager, what do you do when your manager’s manager doesn’t agree?

I was once sat down by a former colleague and given some really tough feedback. It was uncomfortable and awkward, but I appreciated their time and willingness to try to help me. The catch was that the feedback, while extremely heartfelt, was dead wrong. If I had followed that feedback, I would not have done my best work or met the true needs of my client. If you use others’ opinions as your only guidepost, you’re setting yourself up to be led astray.

While client interests, opinions and preferences are valid and important, starting from a place of people pleasing can also limit your creative reach. Eventually, your work will hit a wall and your client will want more – from someone else.

So what’s a reformed people pleaser to do? When I heard renowned researcher and professor Brené Brown’s mantra, I started to get it. She says, “If you’re not in the arena getting your ass kicked on occasion, then I’m not interested in your feedback.”

She also talks about carrying a tiny piece of paper in her wallet with the names of the few people whose opinions really matter to her. This revolutionary concept, that you decide whose opinion matters, is liberating.

I know people will never stop having opinions – I have plenty! Yet, I’m coming to terms with the fact that not all opinions are equal, helpful or even in my best interest. So what’s left? Doing brilliant work that I’m proud of.